closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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