I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
