Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
