I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
