I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
