I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
