im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
