I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
