I got chris browned last night
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
