every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
