if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
