so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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