Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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