I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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