no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
