god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
