it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dude. I can hear the air.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
