I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
