I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think your dad took our porno
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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