R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
