I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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