Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
