I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
