Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
