Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
