According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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