i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
