Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
