i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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