got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
