If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
