Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
