the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
