i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
