My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
