Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
