My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
