I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize