finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
