I'm going to jail i love you
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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