I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
