I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
