soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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