I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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