But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
