Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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