Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
