I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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