Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
