you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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