you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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