Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize