I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
