I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
