My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
