Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
