do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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