He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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