I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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