update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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