My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
