I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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