and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
