soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
