Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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