i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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