The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
