i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
