I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
