I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
