I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
